Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Top 10 Things We'd Love to Hear the Memphis Zoo Say

Memphis Zoo spokesmodel Brian Carter and good ol' Chuck Brady are starting to sound like broken parrots. We keep thinking they will get tired of repeating "It's been in our master plan for twenty years..." but it's been a month and they've shown a real commitment to Staying The Course.

We have a few helpful suggestions in case our buddies ever decide to liven up their stale repertoire:

  1. Man, we screwed up.
  2. We honestly didn't think anyone would notice. Oops, you caught us!
  3. We secretly love the Old Forest and feel awful about hurting it but, dudes, you have to understand: $10 million from Fred Smith can buy A WHOLE LOTTA LOVE.
  4. Now we really see the value in asking for community input.
  5. Our planning and decision-making happens in a tiny bubble world and we are lonely. Come visit our planet, Memphis!
  6. Our model for a public/private partnership is deeply flawed and we want to fix it.
  7. We've relied on cronyism and backroom politics for too long. It's time to let the sun shine in!
  8. We apologize to the citizens of Memphis for abusing their trust. We promise it won't happen again.
  9. Who wants to help us take down that 17-acre fence? YEEHA!
  10. Hey, y'all want to go out and drink a few pitchers with us? Oooh, and maybe go dancing later?